May 7, 2014

I wasn’t always like this, you know. Once, I was just like you. Enjoying my life to its full extent, thinking about such matters as death, life, love, only when there was a need — which in average was equal to none.


And then, one day, everything changed. On that day, I lost everything that was dear to me. My love, my life, my soul… Why didn’t I kill myself? I don’t know. Maybe somewhere inside, I felt that there might come a day yet, when I could be rescued. Me, a man, rescued. How ironic. I, who begged for something different from the very beginning… but no. This had to happen. Mark my words, whoever you are, reading this, one day everything ends. One day you wake up and instantly know that the world you’re in is not what it used to be. Not for you, not anymore. And then you are ready… For what, you do not know. But one thing is certain: you are going to fall… and it’s going to hurt… bad.

When I recall that haunting, painful gaze of my dearest, with her ever-knowing smile, as if whispering, “No matter where you go, I will be there. We will be together…” So common, yet so out of place…

This longing memory, She, was my life, my universe, my soul… Gone. All gone because of them. Needless traits: anger, greed, betrayal. Fancy words indeed. And so, we are toying with them, unaware of the consequences. It was your past? Fine. We can always manipulate it, as we feel fit. Until it just becomes a memory, then a forgotten legend. And there will be no one who knows. No one will tell you, who you really are. No one will ever show you, and the generations after, who she was. Of course not. Nothing is fair, you should know that by now. But who values being fair anymore. Who would say, without hesitation, that yes, I am fair. There is no need to look. You know the answer already. Yet, when I think of her, itching to look into those eyes, ever so gentle and refreshing as a summer breeze, feeling her smile warming my soul… The gentle moments we spent together, praising the world for blessing us with such unimaginable wonder and joy…

She was ready, as ready as she could be. Ready to fall, graciously, like a stone sailing over the railing of a bridge, granting one more wish of the caster before accepting the embrace of cold, forgiving water. I was the caster. My wish, a sliver of hope. But hope was nowhere to be found. My wish, I could not set free. And I… I was far from prepared, for all the grief to come.

On that day, her fate was sealed. Gazing back to the past, I realise now: hers was the most cruel fate among all.

I do not morn her, not anymore. I did what I had to. I can still hear her whispers, sometimes moving swiftly around me, as if teasing. I feel that soon I will follow. Once I told her, “If you go, I will follow you. Anywhere.”

Back then, I was bold and young, thinking that my luck would never run out, I said anything to please her… But this time, just as I pronounced the words, I felt a strange tingling in my chest. As always, she patted my hand and smiled, eyes giggling. I was greatly pleased with myself, not realising that in the later years I would regard this as an oath. But she knew, all too well.

I was desperate, desperate for someone to save me. Because there are stories where the princess saves the prince. But instead of a white horse and a hand, I received what a breaker of oaths deserves: a decade of pain, misery and loneliness.

Age makes some men wise, but this moment, I could not have avoided. No wisdom could have saved me, not even the endless prayers that I had uttered at night, listening to the whispers of my mind.

Am I mad, you ask? Possibly. The cold years had ensured that. Their maddeningly slow pace had ensured that. So I ask you, now. Please, turn back, while you can. Do not tread the same path I had. This path leads only to your fall. You can doubt me, but you can never doubt the truth behind my words. I spent all my will on making them true, true to things I hold dear. Please, turn back.

If, despite my warning, you choose to stay, your road starts here. At the point, where my tale begins. But beware. There are shadowy secrets I shall part. I cannot let this remain a mystery of the past. If this is the last thing I will do in my life, gods, let it be so.

Listen then, listen carefully, for this, I share only once. The story of a fallen man.

Where is the happiness and joy, you ask? Certainly not here, not anywhere. Life is not about that. Life is seriously not about that, if you ask me. But what I can, I will show you. Just as she is with me now, I will be with you, in every step of the way. It will be sometimes painful, truly so. But, just like me, you will succeed. I believe in you. And, in a way, I am you. You will get used to accepting it, as unbelievable as it may seem. Then, you will fall. And it will hurt… bad.

Let us begin, then. For I am Truthbringer. And these are my chronicles.

Tags: Truthbringer